Mindfulness of Stuff

Today’s guest post is by Aimee Eckhardt, beloved co-founder of the Midwest Alliance for Mindfulness and Founder of the Community for Deepening Practice (CDP). ⚠️ Content warning: this article touches on aspects of death and dying. It is meant as a resource for the CDP’s Dying into Life Educational Series. She invites us to get curious about the liberating, but also challenging, release practice of “death cleaning”. Please go gently.

Are you up for an experiment? If so, look around. What do you see?

Maybe you see a tidy environment, impeccably appointed, all objects in their places. If so, hats off to you! You are way ahead of the rest of us, who are likely mired in stuff stacked willy-nilly in the nooks and crannies of our homes, cars, handbags, and workplaces.

These belongings of ours, as hard-earned as they may have been and as precious as they still may be, they’ll all be left behind when we die. So part of contemplating our life’s end is also intentionally contemplating our stuff’s end. This isn’t just practical in terms of our present-moment wellbeing, but also for the future of our friends, neighbors, and loved ones who will be spared the task of sorting and disseminating our things when we die.

Who’s going to take care of all your crap? – Margareta Magnisson

I love this video by Margareta Magnisson, author of “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning”. Her no-nonsense approach is refreshing, funny, and so, so true.

Starting to release unneeded things now, while we can personally control the process, allows us to be intentional about where our beloved items end up. For instance, a carefully curated collection of ceramic vases could become a special gift for a family member’s next birthday. Those extra copies of your favorite book could be donated to the library, where they’ll be appreciated and used by many. The items you’re not so proud of and would rather not remember, you could bequeath to the recycle bin before anyone else knows the difference.

The point is not to get rid of all your treasures and live in servitude to sterility, but to ease the anxiety and burden created by stacks of objects you no longer need. Addressing it now also makes space for other precious things that may serve you — the “you” who’s here today, not the 12-year-old who saved his toy cars.

Not sure where to start? Below are a few tips on death decluttering, including some gems adapted from the The Death Doula’s Guide to Living Fully and Dying Prepared by contemplative doula Francesca Lynn Arnoldy:

photo by Liar Liur

• Begin with self-compassion. If just the thought of death cleaning feels overwhelming, go easy. Break it down into tiny steps. One drawer or box at a time. Each tidy cabinet is a win worth savoring.
• Start by decluttering the things that have less emotional charge and make your way toward your more personally meaningful belongings.
• Summon a balance of fierce honesty and self-compassion as you decide what to do with each object.
• Take your time, and take breaks. You might even like to schedule short weekly death cleaning appointments with yourself to keep it at top of mind, but not overwhelming.
• Linger if you like, and say thank you as you go. Savor and appreciate what these objects mean to you and how they’ve brought you joy or utility. Handling long-forgotten objects may also bring forth memories of situations that still call for your attention. Let that be a guide.
• Ask yourself if you are resisting releasing something that no longer serves a purpose. If so, is there another way to honor it, like journaling about it, ceremonially burning it, or photographing it?
• If you can’t quite tolerate getting rid of a thing right now, can you make a note for your loved ones telling them what’s special about it, and any wishes you have for it? This will help them to discern whether to trash it, donate it, or bestow it. This post-mortem communication in your own hand may one day be precious.

It may also be helpful to consider some ways decluttering can become a nourishing practice, not just another burden on our already-overflowing to-do lists. Here are a few ideas about how to invite the sacred into this process of release.

• Practice intentional bestowal. Invite a friend out to tea and gift them something of yours that has served its purpose. If no one specifically comes to mind, consider charity organizations. Nearly anything can be reused or repurposed. Consider schools, churches, pet shelters, etc.
• Declutter with a trusted friend and reminisce as you go.
• Create a simple ritual to honorably discard the things; for instance, children’s artwork could be burned and “sent up” to the sky with good wishes for all to spread far and wide.

I don’t want to minimize the task at hand here. Release can be complicated, and for some of us, it can even feel frightening and destabilizing. But step by step, can we let our WHY support us along the way? The result, we trust, can eventually be liberation – freedom from the weight of our objects, and freedom to stay current with ourselves and our loved ones.

Practice Invitation

Discuss with a friend or journal the following reflections:

• If death decluttering calls to you, why? Journal about this in depth and install that intention in your heart to support you as you proceed.
• If death decluttering isn’t emotionally accessible to you right now, try writing yourself a compassionate, validating letter about it. By naming any fears, we can also begin to tame them.

We do not really let go of love;
We hold on to it.
We hold on to what remains
After all the dross is put away.
And after all the pain has
Purified the heart,
We know that we need only part
With things that cannot last.
But we hold on to what is pure;
We cherish the truth we’ve found.
And what is beautiful shall always remain
Because we never really let go of love.

– Jocelyn Soriano, We Never Let Go