Mindful Lessons from Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

Shane with characters from pop culture at the Kauffman.

Guest post by Shane Ledford

While I am a certified Mindfulness teacher, I also forever consider myself a student of mindfulness who frequently tries to learn more about it, and attempts to continually integrate the practice of it into my life. Sometimes that can be difficult… especially with challenging situations and events. For those times when I find practicing mindfulness a struggle, I often turn to books and my yoga and mindfulness teachers to help me reconnect with being grounded. Also, as a big movie fan, I also like to reflect on the wisdom I have garnered over the years from my many movie mentors such as Mr. Spock from Star Trek, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda from Star Wars, Ferris Bueller (from his Day Off) the Dude (from The Big Lebowski), and…Del Griffith from easily the greatest Thanksgiving-themed movie of all time: Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. I like to ask myself: “What would they do in this situation(s)?”

Del Griffith (John Candy) is the jovial, somewhat obnoxious, yet likable slob who sells shower curtain rings to hotels. He crosses paths in New York City with Neal Page (Steve Martin), an uptight advertising executive. They are literally Felix and Oscar from The Odd Couple, and while trying to get home to Chicago for the Thanksgiving holiday, the unlikely pair embark on an unbelievable obstacle-filled trip using many forms of transportation. While a comedy, this film has a lot of heart and wisdom, and we can learn a lot from their adventure and especially from Del’s way of dealing with life. Below are some things that I have learned from my many viewings of the movie over the years. As with my other Mindfulness in the Movies discussions, this will contain spoilers if you have not seen the film.

Let It Be.

While one might immediately think of the Beatles when they see this phrase, it is actually a common mantra used in the practice of mindfulness. (Another variation could be “let it go,” but I prefer “let it be,” as it gives me the permission to not even engage in whatever will cause the reaction in the first place. It is kind of like seeing a hornet’s nest and letting it be rather than picking it up and getting stung…and then deciding I have to let it go.) In the movie, Neal has a difficult time letting the inconveniences in his day be what they are: inconveniences. He feels these moments that he has absolutely no control over are also somehow directed personally at him. Instead of letting them be what they are, he chooses to allow his mind to grab ahold of them (like picking up a hornet’s nest) and then react with anger.

Photo by Ferdinand Stöhr

In the heat of the moment, Neal feels it imperative to run after “his” cab when it drives away with another passenger inside, and screams, “That’s my cab!” and, “You’re messing with the wrong guy!” Later, at the airport, he recognizes Del as the person that was in that cab and thinks it necessary to tell him, “You stole my cab.” After getting on the plane that had been previously delayed by weather, it is realized Neal has a coach seat assignment even though he paid for a first-class ticket. Irritated, Neal feels compelled to take out his frustration on a flight attendant saying, “First you delay me, then bump me.”

Later, in the motel room they end up sharing in Wichita, Neal is still consumed by an event that happened hours earlier and 1300 miles away when he angrily tells Del, “You’ve been under my skin since New York—starting with ripping off my cab.” Not only can Neal not let It be…he also can’t let it go. Finally, in the midpoint of the movie, when his rental car is missing from its designated spot and the rental company bus pulls away, he goes into a screaming fit in the parking lot…and exclaims (again), “You’re messing with the wrong guy!” However, even this was not enough of an emotional release for Neal…probably because he was not able to transfer his anger to someone else…so he felt compelled (and entitled) enough to return to the rental car counter, and then unleash a memorable (but now I find cringeworthy) F-bomb rant at the woman working there (which, to her credit, she handles quite commendably). And, to be clear, it is okay to feel anger at times. However, with practice and maybe a few breaths we can notice the anger starting to simmer, but not allow it to come to a boil. We can feel the anger, but perhaps not become angry.

Once again, Neal did not have control over these situations, and him getting upset about them had no effect or change in their outcome as they already occurred. While he doesn’t necessarily have to be happy with what happened in these incidents, practicing radical acceptance would allow him to recognize that lashing out at others would not change the events nor change his situation. Also, with mindfulness and acceptance we can recognize that we probably aren’t the only one going through a difficulty…and realizing that interconnectedness can sometimes provide comfort. For example, Neal wasn’t the only passenger delayed in the New York airport because of the weather in the Midwest. Thousands of other people were as well. Realizing this can help one not feel so isolated and alone with their problem, and it also can assist in removing the veil of self-importance and one-ness.

Go With The Flow.

Photo by Anna Gru

After his rental car reaction meltdown, Neal is still holding onto his anger which he then decides to direct towards an airport taxi stand attendant. This proves unwise as Neal’s anger is reflected back onto him with a punch in the face from the attendant. Miraculously, Del shows up just in time in his own rental car, and the two are reunited again. Several times in the movie Neal tries to separate himself from Del, but it is almost as if destiny has a different plan for the two. Always forgiving, Del seems to be receptive to this notion and tells Neal, “I had a feeling when we parted ways somehow someday our paths would cross again.” He then says, “Remember what I said about ‘going with the flow?’ Like the twig on the shoulders of a mighty stream.” Mindfulness teaches a lot about going with the flow, and Del embodies this practice by constantly showing resilience through whatever adversities are thrown his way. It is his resilience that allows him to shift his perspective on some of these challenges, and instead make them into opportunities. When their flight was grounded in Wichita it was very disconcerting for Neal. However, Del flipped the narrative, and instead saw it as an excellent opportunity to stay at Edelen’s Braidwood Inn…and visit his friend that owns the place.

Laugh And Say “Wow!”

After threading between two tractor trailers while going the wrong way on the interstate, Neal and Del literally encounter a near-death (but very hilarious for the audience) experience. After stopping, catching their breath, and getting out of the car to look at the damage, Del says, “This isn’t so bad. I thought it’d be a lot worse. They’ll be able to buff this out with no problem.” The thing is, it is apparent that the car IS a lot worse, and it will not be able to be buffed out with no problem. So…does this mean Del is in denial with the complete obvious and just has a general disregard for consequences? I don’t think so. I think he does realize how bad the damage is (as well realizing the frustrations of some of their earlier experiences), but I think he chooses to add levity to the situation(s) instead of lamenting on it. There is absolutely nothing they can do while parked on the side of the interstate, so why waste time fretting about what is probably going to happen when the car is later returned to the rental agency? That is still in the future and this is the present… and they still have to get to Chicago. Del even adds more levity to the situation when he joyously exclaims to Neal, “Wow! We can laugh about it now—we’re alright.” He is grateful for surviving the harrowing experience and laughs it off… because being upset about it and playing out all of the “should haves”, “would haves”, and “could haves” would now not have changed that situation or the condition of the vehicle. It has already happened, and the what ifs would only add judgment and shaming, and Del would rather choose laughter rather than anger or frustration as his emotional response. Also, we realize later that Del has experienced an event in his life that was much more difficult for him than the obstacles these two have encountered on the way back to Chicago. Therefore, Del can easily find the humor in these inconveniences life can throw at us as frequently as they are not that big of a deal to him when compared with what he dealt with in the past.

Look For The Teachings (Or Teacher) In These Moments.

I mentioned earlier that Neal continually tried to separate and distance himself from Del as he finds him off-putting, and he feels things don’t go the way he intended when he is with him. He even says to Del, “We’ll get to where we are going a lot faster if we’re alone.” (This is a comment that hurts Del, and also proves to be not true… as Neal’s rental car meltdown and getting punched in the face happens immediately afterwards.) What Neal doesn’t realize (until much later) is that Del stumbled onto his path much like a trickster in mythology, or a classic foil in literature…to teach him something about himself. However, Del is not there to highlight Neal’s positive attributes (as is generally the case with a foil). No, Del is there to highlight Neal’s negative attributes. He is like the spirits in “A Christmas Carol” illuminating Scrooge’s scrooginess. Del is there to reflect a mirror onto Neal, and allow him to recognize that he is an uptight workaholic as well as intolerant, ungrateful, and hostile to others. After Neal berates Del in the Wichita hotel room, Del emotionally replies, “I could be a cold hearted cynic like you, but I don’t like to hurt people’s feelings.” Sometimes we need the help of others to help us break free of our habits, or show us our true self. Also, like Ferris Bueller, Del is also there to teach Neal to quit taking things so seriously, and have some fun in life.

Get Rid Of Attachment(s).

Several times throughout the movie we see Neal glance at the watch on his wrist. In fact, we actually see the time on his watch before we see Neal’s face in the opening shots of the movie. Neal reminds me a lot of Chuck Noland from the movie Cast Away, a character who also thinks time is a commodity… but instead chooses to waste this valuable resource unconsciously striving at work rather than consciously sharing it with family. Neal’s watch is a symbol of his attachment to work and his detachment from home life. He even acknowledges, “I’ve been spending too much time away from home” after he recognizes he missed his daughter’s Thanksgiving pageant. (Del, on the other hand, states earlier in the movie, “I have a motto: Like your work. Love your wife.”)

However, something changes in Neal late in the movie when they arrive at a motel after the tractor trailer incident. He doesn’t have enough cash to pay for a room for the night, so he offers the manager, “$17 and a really nice watch,” and the manager accepts. For me, this is the moment in the movie when Neal fully starts to change for the better. He was willing to let go of something that he held a lot of attachment to and what it represented… because being at ease and comfortable was more important to him now.

Photo by John McArthur

Del wasn’t as lucky in getting a room at the motel (because he only had a Casio… and not the privilege of a nicer watch to barter with), so he goes back to the now burnt-up rental car and prepares to sit in it overnight with the snow falling on him. Neal gazes out of his motel room at Del and asks himself, “What did I do to get hooked up with this guy?” However, this seems to be a question emerging out of gratitude more than out of confusion or frustration. Now, immediately after letting go of the physical attachment to his watch, Neal lets go of his emotional attachments to his anger and selfishness, and develops compassion… and invites Del inside from out of the cold. Neal now realizes their chance encounters were meant to happen, and Del was the unlikely teacher to help Neal expand his heart and soul… and the two have a fun evening laughing over drinks and snacks. Neal even says to Del, “You are one unique individual. As much trouble as I’ve had on this little journey I’m sure one day I’m gonna look back and laugh. I’m laughing already.”

Don’t Judge a Del by His Cover.

When they finally arrive at the train station platform in Chicago getting ready to go their separate ways, Neal says to Del, “After all is said and done you did get me home, and I really appreciate that. You didn’t cause me any trouble. You got me home. A little late…but I’m a little wiser, too.”

Neal then gets on a train and leaves, Del smiles and waves at him, and then Del wanders from the platform while struggling with the big trunk that has accompanied him throughout their journey. On the train, Neal unconsciously looks at his wrist, and then realizes he no longer has his watch…and smiles. He begins to imagine what Thanksgiving dinner will look like when he gets home to his family, but then he starts reflecting on the adventure he was just on with Del. Then Neal recognizes some questioning arising during his mental playback of things Del said to him… so he goes back and finds Del sitting in the small train station waiting area. Neal says, “You said you were going home. What are you doing here?” To which Del responds, “I don’t have a home. Marie’s been dead for eight years.”

Photo by Debby Hudson

All of it becomes clear to Neal now. The reason why Del is untidy around others and seemingly oblivious to what is happening around him while laughing everything off is because he is alone, lonely, and grief stricken. Tolerance and laughter are his coping mechanisms. Mindfulness can help remind us that we have no idea what is going on inside of people, or the things they carry with them from the past. Earlier Del taught Neal to lighten up and be more compassionate and forgiving, and Neal now realizes he was wrong to judge Del… and now it was his turn to help him.

In the very next scene we see them both walking down a snowy suburban street while carrying Del’s trunk. This trunk is literally Del’s home as well as a representation of his heavy past (as he had a picture of his late wife in it). Several times in the movie Neal would reluctantly help Del with the trunk out of pity (and he even tripped over it twice), but the trunk was always a bulky burden for the two. However, for the first time in the film, the trunk now appears weightless… and they are smiling while they carry it.

As they walk towards the front door of Neal’s very nice house, Del says, “You are one lucky guy, Neal.” After getting inside, Neal says hello to his family that has gathered for Thanksgiving. He then sees his wife and says to her, “Honey, I would like you to meet a friend of mine.”

Neal… and Del… are finally home.